Hello hello finally figured out how to add a post again. My memory has been rough. I thought I would change the name and then did it and then changed it back again. Originally I named it lilwizz after Rachel's aol email. Then I thought it might offend her but I've already screwed that up anyway so I might as well keep the original name. Since the last post was back in March I must have written about being in the hospital. So I took too much lithium because I was on antibiotics and was dehydrated which is dangerous and I almost died. Marc freaked out and kept telling me that I was going to need full time with a caregiver. I remember being upset which is why I think he was saying it. Evie and Dudah came to visit me in the hospital. Marc didn't want them to visit me because of monitoring of meds. Evie was in Florida in Rehab when our Heather died. I still think of her everyday. When I got home I made it clear that Evie could no longer do things that might put me in danger. She's been in Rehab twice since November. The one here in Maryland threw her out for inappropriate behavior and then wouldn't let her back in the program.

Dr. M cut my dosage and that freaked me out I just have to be very careful cause 2 months ago i ran out early and ended up in the ER they kept me overnight and wanted me seen by psychologist to see if I should be put me back in Mt. Pleasant. There was no way I was going back there. Marc picked up my meds and picked me up at the hospital. Then the world became very confused. Dr. Shapiro thought I might have kidney stones but they found a mass and nodules in my lungs instead. I saw a pulmonologist and he said that they were very small and he couldn't biopsy them because of the size. So I might have lung cancer. That frightens me because both my dad and my uncle both died of lung cancer on the same day, same year. My uncle in Ny and Dad in Florida. Mitch went to Florida to help Sheila but Jay and I didn't feel the need to. Why go down when she was such an abusive bitch. She should suffer.

Then Dr. M took a blood sample and I'm anemic so now I'm on Slo fen. I'm supposed get a poop sample to see if I've got blood in my gastro area. I haven't done it yet. I also need to get my cholesterol checked. I saw the Orthopedist and I need more x-ray's of my left knee. I have to get a knee replacement too much going on at once.

I also haven't sleep more than an hour at a time since 2 days ago. maybe I will be able to sleep a bit.

Conditions at Sinai Hospital Be afraid very Afraid!

I didn't know this was lingering in my drafts I know it repeats some of what I've said but I guess it adds also thanks contact me on facebook or Twitter I really want to know who reads my blogs. Jo



Was trying to tweet for some reason it's just too short. Was admitted to Sinai Monday Feb 3rd or 4th. Catatonic I was inside my head but had no capacity to speak. The next thing I was in a new wing 3 south (stroke unit- in a "clean Room" Think Nuclear plant. People entering had to wear caps, gowns, feet coverings, and gloves. I didn't have capacity to understand any of it. 

I suffer from many medical disorders, from immunological to MS. I used in hosp a walker. After I finally came back to life. I also suffer from Chemical Imbalances in my brain. Among other meds I take Lithium - I lost my adoptive daughter in January, My friends brother in law passed in a freak scuba diving accident (took me over a month to remember). And then in Feb Ida passed from cancer.

I'm also brilliant my IQ is above or at least 140. I have 4 bachelor degrees and a Master of Social work double concentration. I mention this for a reason.
I signed myself into Sinai's Psychiatric in patient Unit. Mt. Pleasant (wrong name for this place) 

Hospitals can help and hinder

Ok been avoiding this but it's time and I hope that my friends and others read this so they can understand where I'm coming from. Sometime before Superbowl Sunday my body starting shutting down. I had an infection and was on antibiotics which my friend was literally pushing down my throat to get me to take them. I take Lithium for Mood Disorders and clonopin for anxiety, and other meds for PTSD, OCD, Panic attacks etc. There was too much Lithium in my body and it wouldn't metabolize so oxygen was not getting to my brain and signals from the brain were not making it to my body and I went into a catatonic/coma state. I was not responding and I have no memory of the weeks before and days after I was in the hospital. 

During this time I went thru withdrawal from the Oxycontin I was on (I'm kinda glad I was not remembering this) I "woke" up in the Stroke Unit in a clean room - literally anyone coming into the room had to gown up. The doctors thought I might have MRSA an antibiotic resistant infection since I have had it twice before. They started me back on low doses of pain meds for my bladder pain. As time went on and the pain was more and more I kept asking to see the doctor and get more meds. This was so not a concern of the nursing staff. When The doctor finally came in it was a psychiatrist and I was told I needed to talk to the medical doctor. That took days and finally when She came in it was brutal - I was told I needed to sign myself into the psych ward. But my PAIN she said she would look into it. Needless to say no matter which doc or nurse I talked to they were not the right ones!!!

so I signed into the unit and it was 3 days before I got there. And still bugging the staff about pain meds. The Head Psychiatrist told me it would be taken care of. What he didn't tell me was he was going on vacation and I would get pot luck and a different doctor each time. There's so much more and I will write more later it's too difficult right now and I'm sitting here crying over what has happened.

Goddess Bless please leave me a note on Twitter or Facebook if you've read this. I need the support please. 

The Bladder Strikes at midnight!

That sounds like a mystery novel. One that I would so desperately want to solve. If u have read any of my blogs u undoubtedly know that I have Interstitial Cystitis ie. OverActive Bladder. Painful Bladder Syndrome - originally called Hunner's Ulcers (Back in the 1890`s. ) I still think the original name is the best. The overactive bladder makes it sound like fluff. The fact that this disease has destroyed my family, my life, my work does not go with "overactive bladder" like gee she just pee's a lot. I also have excruciating pain, Can't walk w/o a cane. Have difficulty driving and suffer from so many mental illnesses it's new name just doesn't cut it.

Sometimes it's so much I just want it to stop - but not my whole life to stop. I keep looking for clinical trials so maybe I can help find a cure. 

END 

Another Draft that needs to be put in blog

Well I'm on a blog  http://lilwizz-goddess.blogspot.com/ it may be depressing for some people to read.. I have a lot of fears I wake up neurotic I stay that way most of the day and go to sleep in fear. I suffer from BiPolar Disorder,  Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, OCD, Disassociative Disorder used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder to cope with all the abuse I suffered as a child. But that's also what made me the person I am today. But when I freak out sometimes I go too far like tonight with my Roommate/boyfriend Marc. It's listed on FaceBook I'll copy  it and put it on my lilwizz blog. Which was my daughter's name on the internet. She no longer speaks to me. Right around her 30th birthdate and it hurts so very very much. I've tried to reconnect but she isn't having any of it. I pray I don't die without seeing her again and God will Bless me.
This was printed on the get old blog spot.

in 2nd post attache to previous blog

Adding this to the last blog that I thought I lost it. But it's new so it won't appear for at least 48 hours - I hope to get more people to read this blog. The name is the one that was used by my daughter on AOL for years.

I miss her so very much. She stopped talking to me around July around her 30th birthday. I've tried to contact her in so many ways but no response. I haven't seen my son for over 10 years - when he was about 18 - he says I was a monster. He was molested by 2 females a few years older than him when he was 12 - but I didn't really react correctly to the whole thing. But I think in his mind there is more to be angry at me. 

http://www.getold.com/?utm_source=0&utm_medium=266029504&utm_campaign=91621427

I wrote a whole thing and then accidently deleted it. I guess God didn't think I should share the information. I was saying that I miss my kids. Rachel my daughter stopped talking to me when she turned 30 in 2012. My son stopped talking to me almost 8 or 9 years ago. He said I was a monster. Things happened  that really hurt him. At age 12 Two older girls hurt him in bad ways and I didn't protect him. I miss him so very very much. But the Daughter that just kills me. because she wrote so many things about never leaving me. Right now I can't put those on here but another time I will. I've accepted Philip Merrel's decisions, But Rachel Ilene Lena I never thought it would turn out this way. May Goddess bless her and keep her safe.

JoD
Ita Keyley  (my Celtic name - My grandfather was Irish)  

 

What will become of Me

Well lets see what is up today. I wrote in my personal journal. My Dr. wants me to print it out and show it to him because I let him know that I wanted to be with God and not be on the earthly plane. He wants me to go to the ER if It gets too vivid. He's afraid I might really hurt myself. Hate to admit it but I have tried suicide before - the first time when I was 13 after being abused and raped by a relative for almost 6  years. And after my best friend whom I had a very special relationship - my BFF self terminated in 1995 - This person had mental issues but was able to get a gun - and used it. My BFF had planned it all out. Six months later I overdosed. An angel guided me to the hospital and saved my life. My daughter Rachel made me promise not to ever do it again. But she is gone from my life so the only time I will ever see her again is when we are both with God. No one seems to notice me. 
I Try and facebook and twitter very rare anybody acknowledges     me. So who would really miss me? I actually have been posting a poem about who would miss me. Nobody ever said they would miss me. No one even reads this blog even though I've posted the address on my twitter account. If I died tomorrow no one would care
. peace out