The Bladder Strikes at midnight!

That sounds like a mystery novel. One that I would so desperately want to solve. If u have read any of my blogs u undoubtedly know that I have Interstitial Cystitis ie. OverActive Bladder. Painful Bladder Syndrome - originally called Hunner's Ulcers (Back in the 1890`s. ) I still think the original name is the best. The overactive bladder makes it sound like fluff. The fact that this disease has destroyed my family, my life, my work does not go with "overactive bladder" like gee she just pee's a lot. I also have excruciating pain, Can't walk w/o a cane. Have difficulty driving and suffer from so many mental illnesses it's new name just doesn't cut it.

Sometimes it's so much I just want it to stop - but not my whole life to stop. I keep looking for clinical trials so maybe I can help find a cure. 

END 

Another Draft that needs to be put in blog

Well I'm on a blog  http://lilwizz-goddess.blogspot.com/ it may be depressing for some people to read.. I have a lot of fears I wake up neurotic I stay that way most of the day and go to sleep in fear. I suffer from BiPolar Disorder,  Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, OCD, Disassociative Disorder used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder to cope with all the abuse I suffered as a child. But that's also what made me the person I am today. But when I freak out sometimes I go too far like tonight with my Roommate/boyfriend Marc. It's listed on FaceBook I'll copy  it and put it on my lilwizz blog. Which was my daughter's name on the internet. She no longer speaks to me. Right around her 30th birthdate and it hurts so very very much. I've tried to reconnect but she isn't having any of it. I pray I don't die without seeing her again and God will Bless me.
This was printed on the get old blog spot.

in 2nd post attache to previous blog

Adding this to the last blog that I thought I lost it. But it's new so it won't appear for at least 48 hours - I hope to get more people to read this blog. The name is the one that was used by my daughter on AOL for years.

I miss her so very much. She stopped talking to me around July around her 30th birthday. I've tried to contact her in so many ways but no response. I haven't seen my son for over 10 years - when he was about 18 - he says I was a monster. He was molested by 2 females a few years older than him when he was 12 - but I didn't really react correctly to the whole thing. But I think in his mind there is more to be angry at me. 

http://www.getold.com/?utm_source=0&utm_medium=266029504&utm_campaign=91621427

I wrote a whole thing and then accidently deleted it. I guess God didn't think I should share the information. I was saying that I miss my kids. Rachel my daughter stopped talking to me when she turned 30 in 2012. My son stopped talking to me almost 8 or 9 years ago. He said I was a monster. Things happened  that really hurt him. At age 12 Two older girls hurt him in bad ways and I didn't protect him. I miss him so very very much. But the Daughter that just kills me. because she wrote so many things about never leaving me. Right now I can't put those on here but another time I will. I've accepted Philip Merrel's decisions, But Rachel Ilene Lena I never thought it would turn out this way. May Goddess bless her and keep her safe.

JoD
Ita Keyley  (my Celtic name - My grandfather was Irish)  

 

What will become of Me

Well lets see what is up today. I wrote in my personal journal. My Dr. wants me to print it out and show it to him because I let him know that I wanted to be with God and not be on the earthly plane. He wants me to go to the ER if It gets too vivid. He's afraid I might really hurt myself. Hate to admit it but I have tried suicide before - the first time when I was 13 after being abused and raped by a relative for almost 6  years. And after my best friend whom I had a very special relationship - my BFF self terminated in 1995 - This person had mental issues but was able to get a gun - and used it. My BFF had planned it all out. Six months later I overdosed. An angel guided me to the hospital and saved my life. My daughter Rachel made me promise not to ever do it again. But she is gone from my life so the only time I will ever see her again is when we are both with God. No one seems to notice me. 
I Try and facebook and twitter very rare anybody acknowledges     me. So who would really miss me? I actually have been posting a poem about who would miss me. Nobody ever said they would miss me. No one even reads this blog even though I've posted the address on my twitter account. If I died tomorrow no one would care
. peace out