I'm middle aged but my heart is young

It's easier to read the larger print. Ok I'm old I see that but tonight I'm hanging out with Heather who is 21 and we have no problem with our friendship it's actually really great. We are supposed to go to see Cassandra's Crossing Heavy Metal Band at Mystikal Voyage. She's at work and wants to go home to get ready for the concert tonight. She lives quite a distance but I have no problem picking her up. I found my daily journal and wrote in it stuff that I won't write here only because I wouldn't want to hurt anyones feelings or stuff that maybe I'm ashamed of feeling. Hmmm first time I've looked into that area. Maybe I could explore that with dr. Michael the pagan therapist that I've been thinking about seeing.

He's a pagan. He's a therapist although not an MSW like me. But hey that's ok. He can probably still help me. With a pagan I don't have to explain that visitation from grandpa Sam is real and I'm not psychotic. At least not from seeing him. LOL.

OMG Marc can be so freakin annoying He came into my room to tell me he was dropping Gilda off at CVS and I asked for Jelly Beans and he told me he wasn't going inside I was like ok. Then I started to talk to him and he just walked out and I was like excuse me and he said what was I going to say and I said I forgot. He was annoyed and said he didn't want to play the I can't remember game. I told him it wasn't a game that I have MS and brain lessions that cause memory loss. Believe me I wish it was a game but I explained to him that's why I have journals all over the place and have several blogs because I can't remember and Goddess do I wish I could remember it's such a debilitating feeling not to remember.

Any way I'm feeling really relaxed. Meds hard at work. I wish that I didn't feel so much need for the pain meds but have no choice because of how long I've been on them for over 15 years. That's a long time.

Well here's an interesting new thing in my world Marc has announced that he loves me omg am I that stupid but then I did tell him that the only person that really believes that is Catt. I told him that I was finally happy and he crushed it with his bullshit crap yesterday morning when Catt came over to hang out. After I convinced her to come and hang out. I told him that after I get my disability maybe I should just move out. He said I didn't have too. Interesting (will handwrite the what that really means too personal)

I realized that the scanner is an A+ copier both color and black and white. While I was talking to Marc earlier he told me he needed something printed out, I said I was going to buy a new thumb disc and he said he would buy me one. Hmmm that's interesting to me.. He may not understand many things like real emotions, he tries to imitate what he sees I know there's an actual like diagnosis for what his problem actually is called.

Heather cant' be too annoyed about not going out I told her at 4:30 - Early enough for her to change plans she was funky about it but too bad if she couldn't handle it. I just wanted to hang out here. I hope that Catt calls me if I don't hear from her by 9pm I will call her. Tell her about my conversation with Barbara she'll get a kick. But the truth is we keep talking about getting together so I want to make it so. She's fun. I have three sets of friends. I don't know if that's stupid or not but One set is the kids [- 20-30) they are fun and not judgemental. then (35- 60)Pagan and not but more into what I'm into. Guys Nough said.

It's Wednesday

Brooke came by and visited for a while it was really nice seeing her after so many years. She's in a scary place in her life. She recently lost her grandfather and is affecting her father where she is really concered more later.

Namaste Jo

Friends are Forever Nov 17, 2009

Well things just keep getting so much better. I just heard from Brooke one of Rachel's friends from high school that became my friend years ago I was so happy to hear her voice. She's coming over tomorrow for lunch. Earlier Marc told me that David Aunt Erm's son just got married he is a surprise wrapped an enigma. Nikki left a message that Jack really likes the tea I made. I think I am going to have a new little hobby by making tea bags specifically for different ailments. Headaches, sinus problems, relaxation etc. So the abilify is working and my positive attitude makes more positive attitude. I don't mind no one reads this blog cause I know where it is and I print it out and glue it my journal so I remember things that happen.

Nikki paid her phone bill she is so sweet at least I don't have to bother her constantly. I hate to have to bother people. Catt also did her share. I'll need her before the end of the month but maybe not I hope not. Her son was in the hospital Byron and Brandon has to wear the anklet two more months. But Brian Jr is doing ok I guess. He's graduated high school and I don't think he has a job, but he's such a good boy.

This Facebook stuff is also kind of neat. People I haven't heard from in forever suddenly back in my life it's so kewl. I don't think I'll make it to NC for Thanksgiving my stye is still pretty active and I've been exhausted. I'll call mitchell later and talk to him about the whole thing.

Yesterday went with Catt to the hospital and then we met Ryan at the turning wheel and he bought me all sorts of really great stuff. Life is so wonderful.

Namaste JoDee

Friends are always there for you if you just ask

I had been feeling a little pity party for myself recently Money Troubles, Family Troubles, Health you get the idea. I'm always there for everyone else, I thought to myself. No one ever does for me. Well I was wrong. You can crawl into a shell where no one will see you and then you don't get any help at all. Or you can in conversation in a non whiney way say something like, "Hey you know I'm kind a short this month and it would really be great if you could ________________.
I prayed on this and did a pagan money spell along with throwing some Tarot. That first one was horrible it showed all sorts of ways I block others from helping. So I started asking, and low and behold my friends appeared. My close friends, my pagan friends, my family, some of these people I've known for years but just on the Internet and they all responded with whatever they could do.

My spirit was so uplifted to know that the Goddess has been there watching over me and not letting me get to a bad place. The only area of negativity was my ex husband I guess he's not happy that he has to pay the exorbitant premium on my health care. I don't think when he made the deal that he would be paying this long on my health insurance. But he was cold in his email, I guess that's the only way he can deal with difficult things in his life. He has his daughter in knots about not talking about him to me, I feel so sad for her. Especially after the whole Poppy funeral debacle.

Rachel was afraid to talk to me cause her dad asked her to let him tell me that poppy passed away only he didn't seem to quite get around to it. I finally left a voice message to my kid saying I was going to start calling family and friends and even the police that's how worried I was for her especially her father. A little while later the phone rang and it was my ex and he explained that dad had died and he asked our kid not to say anything but obviously she felt she couldn't talk to me cause I was instantly know something was wrong. She was afraid I'd be angry. I told her, "I'm the one who says I'm so sorry for your loss" never be afraid to tell me anything I only want the best for you. You listened to your dad and showed him the respect he needed and I was not angry or upset with her at all. My angel shouldering all that when the ex could have just called told me of the death and that I wasn't welcome at the funeral.

He didn't need a reason it was his dad, I was upset that he waited almost 2 weeks after the funeral to call and then only because I threatened to get extreme if I didn't hear from my child.. I did write a long what I thought was beautiful letter to my ex mother in law about what a great person Dad Was. I never heard back anything so I let it go to god. Anyway back to the FRIENDS

So many doing so many different things for me, I could just cry with joy I can't believe I never asked for help before. You are all such beautiful souls. I will not let people who are negative get at me. I'm better than that. To all my friends.

Namaste,
Ita Keyley
JoDee

up and atem

haven't been writing much. just got out of a hot bed had the heater on to cold bathroom. Visited Evie and Doda and Heather today. I ended up falling asleep and Evie took care of me it was such a wonderful comfortating feeling they are all such beautiful people so caring and I believe sent by goddess to help me get through the rough times.

Their house is awesome and beautiful and well maintained I felt so comfortable there. We hung out had pizza, it was bliss. And they have the cutest little doggies that really helped make me feel extra comfortable.

Still havent' gotten together with Nikki but I will today and i'll check up on Catt about what time she needs to be at the doctors on Monday.