Frustration

my bipolar has been acting up lately. I went into solitary mode for a week. Everyone has been calling and checking up on me. Everybody except Rachel, my daughter, she has blocked me from twitter and other stuff that really pisses me off. She won't share with me. She used to get so upset when i didn't pay complete attention to her and now she is pushes me away. She is so stubborn the only way i can play this is to give her the time she needs and not give her a reason to push away even more. I just can't believe this is the same girl that would cry if she couldn't see me in the room. I remember not being able to leave her at birthday parties i had to stay and stay in her sights the whole time or she would freak out. She now freaks out if she thinks i'm stepping over a tiny little line of her privacy. I'm her mother she shouldn't have any privacy from me. Welcome comments.

finding great new blogs

I've been so grateful to the people who follow my blog and send me their comments. it keeps me going. This is going to be a short one my carpal tunnel in both hands is making them virtually useless tomorrow i go to the physical therapist lets pray they can help. The Grobanites made between toys and money over $ 3,000 Grobanites are the best. Especially Grobie4good. My angelic daughter.

Up before the sun AGAIN

Good morning to all the invisible people who read my blog LOL. Can't wait til Saturday's Josh party I have to go out and get a toy my budget doesn't allow for more than that cause I'm bringing a green bean casserole Since everyone has probably had enough of the regular casseroles I'll make my mine with cream of brocolli instead of mushroom and I'll add Colby cheese and make it very crispy. Sounds good too good it's good I have jelly beans in bed with me yummy. I freely admit that I am a jelly bean addict LOL And the real funny part is that rite aid brand are the best jelly beans out there.

Went last night to the 7-11 to get some jellie's last night and the same young homeless man was there as the other night. I told him I would catch him on the way out. He say it was ok cause I gave him the other night. So I went in got my stuff and i went over to him after and gave him 2 bucks and asked him when the last time he ate was. He told me about 2 days so I went to turn around to get the sandwhich I bought to give it to him and he said NO that the pizza guy was going to give him a pizza. JUst then the guy came out and I said, you giving Lexington a pizza cause if not I was going to buy him something. The guy said he would make a pizza later for Lexington.

We chatted for a few minutes and the pizza guy came out with a pizza for Lexington. Lex told me it was because of me that the guy came back out. A matter of machismo. Because I said something that the guy brought out the pizza. I asked Lex if he wanted to sit in my car and eat so he'd get warm. So we talked some more and Lex offered me a piece I took the smallest one. I asked Lex did he need blankets, sock, etc I put my hand on his hand and said I would bring him something every time I came up that way. You know what he did? He cried. He told me how much he appreciated everything I was doing for him. The fact that I physically reached out to touch his hand, I didn't treat him like dirt but like a real human being. He took it the way I meant it just as a gesture of friendship. INSIDE of me I had the biggest smile. I have all these quilts downstairs so I'll bring a couple for him and his buddies. And what ever else I could get. The tears just ran down his face as he opened the car door and disappeared into the could rainy night.
Namaste my friends

Well yesterday I found my son had moved to california. There was a picture of him and he looks well. I called his cell phone and left a message but I don't think I'll hear back from him. But that's ok he has that right. I'm just glad he's seems happy with his life. Wish I was a part of it but that ok. It took me 25 years with my own parents so I will give him some leeway. Although they were abusive motherfuckers but maybe he thinks I was only he knows what is in his mind. I will love him till the day I die I write to him in my journing all the time I hope he has the gumption to read them after my death. Which I hope will be a very long time. I have survived so much I will survive this too.

I took a little oxy but I still think I need more. ARGHHHHH So much pain. 1:15pm taking a little more I feel like I'm in hell --- need to pray to the goddess to help me out still annoyed I can't find the cd book of shadows. I know I put it in a case just don't don't which one arghh. Been Talking to Michele from Twitter she got her SSI just from IC. But I shall remain positive 0k that's all for now. Going to be up early tomorrow visit Heather at work.

Blessed be