Awake Early Again

Good Morning: So the interstitial cystitis gets me again. Once I'm awake then I get hungry have to watch the diabetic stuff. So many disabilities trying to get SSD I have literally had to think medical 24hours a day. How do I define myself? I can't get SSI unless I'm homeless (what the hell is that about?) 

Emotionally I'm so shaken up.  In November I was in the hospital - did I write about this already? My daughter always accused me of repeating myself = well I do because I can't remember. So back to Nov. my friend found me virtually in a coma - I couldn't communicate, take meds, eat, drink or go to bathroom. I remember the TV being on and knowing something was wrong = the pictures were moving and talking to me like an Alice in Wonderland. There was nothing I could do I could hear Marc at first but couldn't react. When he told me he was going to call 911 at that point - I totally checked out. (One of the Rabbi's in the hospital said to me that I'd had a lot of trauma and my mind decided to go to a hotel!!!)

Marc fought to have me put in Neurology and not Mental Health cause he had never seen me like this. I don't remember the ambulance coming, or being in the ER or even tests like bloodwork. I'm a hard stick and they tried to go in my groin *no memory of this at all. I was black and blue on both arms, hands and groin. I remember someone putting a straw in my mouth and I drank until it was air. It was horrible and frightening. I know that they ran MRI or CAT scans I hate the tubes and for that I'm glad I don't remember. After a week I agreed to go to the Mental Health Unit.

Because I had not had all my meds in I don't know how long. I figured this would get me back in game. I hate to say this but I'm on 6 different psychiatric meds. I'm bi-polar, anxiety ridden, Phobic, OCD, somewhat agoraphobic, I have massive dreams that scare me. Oh I'm sure there's more too. I try and keep good attitude but it's depressing and frustrating.

In July my daughter disowned me = my son did it over 9 years ago I thought I was a good mom I just don't know. Then Louis age 39 died in a scuba diving accident, Heather age 25 died in a car accident. So 3 horrible things and maybe more that I don't remember. Well that's it for now - thanks for reading 
Namaste Jo