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I wrote a whole thing and then accidently deleted it. I guess God didn't think I should share the information. I was saying that I miss my kids. Rachel my daughter stopped talking to me when she turned 30 in 2012. My son stopped talking to me almost 8 or 9 years ago. He said I was a monster. Things happened that really hurt him. At age 12 Two older girls hurt him in bad ways and I didn't protect him. I miss him so very very much. But the Daughter that just kills me. because she wrote so many things about never leaving me. Right now I can't put those on here but another time I will. I've accepted Philip Merrel's decisions, But Rachel Ilene Lena I never thought it would turn out this way. May Goddess bless her and keep her safe.
JoD
Ita Keyley (my Celtic name - My grandfather was Irish)
Well lets see what is up today. I wrote in my personal journal. My Dr. wants me to print it out and show it to him because I let him know that I wanted to be with God and not be on the earthly plane. He wants me to go to the ER if It gets too vivid. He's afraid I might really hurt myself. Hate to admit it but I have tried suicide before - the first time when I was 13 after being abused and raped by a relative for almost 6 years. And after my best friend whom I had a very special relationship - my BFF self terminated in 1995 - This person had mental issues but was able to get a gun - and used it. My BFF had planned it all out. Six months later I overdosed. An angel guided me to the hospital and saved my life. My daughter Rachel made me promise not to ever do it again. But she is gone from my life so the only time I will ever see her again is when we are both with God. No one seems to notice me.
I Try and facebook and twitter very rare anybody acknowledges me. So who would really miss me? I actually have been posting a poem about who would miss me. Nobody ever said they would miss me. No one even reads this blog even though I've posted the address on my twitter account. If I died tomorrow no one would care
. peace out
I hope that all will be well this New Year. My heart is so heavy, it's breaking Rachel hasn't spoken to me in months. I've reached out to her biological dad who lives not far from her and he's ignoring me too. I cry all the time and sometimes think about doing away with myself. I have the means.
I guess it doesn't matter if other people read my blog, but if you are reading this I hope you can relate to it in some way. I've been updating my twitter followers and whom I am following. Wrote my ex an email trying to get answers about my daughter Rachel and why did she stop talking to me. I'm trying not to continue calling her and writing to her. I also apologized to him for certain things that I was responsible for during our married life. I guess a lot of it was that I met him when I was age 17. Got engaged on my 18th birthday and married shortly after my 19th birthday. Got pregnant after my 20th birthday and gave birth the following July. It's not what my ex wanted but once she was here He loved her like no other. Ok I'm getting upset now.
I need to figure out to promote this blog is confusing to me. I pray for all the beautiful innocent children and teacher the 26 - My good dead Will be to help train dogs to help the children sometimes and animals help so much..many with mental stress and issues. They dont have to be in Connecticut but where we all are. Because we are all effected. Please If there is someone in your life that perhaps you argued with or had a falling out remember life end so fast. Now is the time to do it if you havent straightened it out do before it to late.\
As if the shooting deaths in Conn were not bad enough the christian or so called christian group that pickets soldiers funerals all over the country will be rearing it's ugly head at the funerals of the children who died 20 children whose families don't need the extra stress and pain. What is wrong with these people? At first when I read the social media I thought a pagan was making the weird statement then I went on to the site and realized it was in response to these people
(hate to even call them that, but I have a heart and they don't) What could they accomplish by this hateful act. Jesus would be so disappoint in them. They are not acting in a Pius way!
May Goddess bless all the children, Teachers, parents of all who perished, including the mother of the gunman and yes even the gunman. May Goddess bless you too for reading this blog.
Well I broke down and took a sleeping still isn't workin. So too 2 more.Some times I think I should take less so I won't s be Shaking. Just an Idea anyway.
